Get Back on YOUR Track!
Like the majority of people, boundaries being violated started when you were very young.
Hmm...why does it all go back to potty training days??
Way back then it was innocent, or so you thought. Remember, you were young and didn't have much say. It may have been someone making you do something which felt uncomfortable. Something as simple as making you eat something that tasted nasty. And you did it just to please them or better yet, shut them up. Or something much more hurtful. Then the process took over and it became all you knew. After awhile your reality of people being boundary-less was another easily accepted pattern like chewing gum and walking.
Now as adults, all these weird feelings are coming to the surface, like a big zit which needs to be popped! It's not just boundary setting...there's a slew of other stuff rising to the surface. It's called DIS-ease. You can feel it at work, at home, in public. People 'spilling their proverbial milk' into your life or violating your personal space, is a good example. I don't want to make this blog all 'doomer talk'. Quite the contrary. It's focus is to make you aware so you can become strong and live your life... so you can move forward and feel good about yourself.
Setting boundaries is just part of the process to your personal freedom and getting more centered.
Here's why we need to have and continue to set boundaries around ourselves: For self protection. Boundaries are personal rules, limits, guidelines we set up for ourselves to define what is safe and healthy so we can create and maintain a healthy self.
Setting boundaries and respecting others boundaries allow us to take responsibility for our lives...like an adult...thus creating our own destiny. If you allow people to walk all over you, there's a pretty good chance you're not living the life intended for YOU. And you feel DIS-ease most of the time.
HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES
1. FEEL IT.
C'mon, you know how you feel when someone has violated your boundary! Stop lying to yourself! You feel angry, resentful... you've been complaining and/or whining about people or situations. Set the boundary! Your inner self is trying desperately to get your outer self to do something about this!
2. DEAL WITH IT.
This next step is the painful one because you actually must DO something. Here it comes... Set the boundary clearly: Here's a good way to start: Say NO. Or Perhaps, "No,that doesn't work for me." Do not justify, explain, apologize or become defensive. Don't argue your point. Just be calm and firm when you set a boundary. Here's a good tip: Visualize yourself forming a line in the sand.
3. DON'T LOOK BACK
At first you may feel badly or guilty. Don't let the emotions of others bleed into you! You are not responsible for the feelings of others! You are only responsible for feeling good about yourself! Expect the control freaks in your life to get upset with you! Remember, that's their stuff! If they don't speak with you after you've set a boundary, GOOD RIDDANCE!' You are much better off without them!
Most people will respect you and your boundaries. In fact, you'd be surprised how the 'healthy people' respond! They will actually respect you and adhere to your boundaries.
A few years back I set a boundary with a group of people. Ironically, something positive happened. Not only did they respect the boundary but they began to set up similar boundaries. Being responsible for yourself and your life could potentially create a domino effect for others around you!
All this boundary setting is a process so be gentle with yourself! It takes time and will happen when you are ready...when the DIS-ease is ready to be purged! In the meantime, build your support system with those who 'get you', who are empathetic to you.
Setting boundaries will be tough at first but in doing so, the real YOU will emerge and SHINE!
How awesome is that?
Love and Blessings!
Celeste
No comments:
Post a Comment