Well, first off, forgiveness isn't about those who have done you wrong. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is so you stop beating yourself up.
So YOU can heal.
So YOU can love.
So YOU can live the life intended for YOU.
I'm going off this road for a second and change the subject entirely. Because that's who I am and what I typically do...
I recently read to have a blog at the top of search engines where more people will likely find it, you need to mention the topic of the blog numerous times. Here goes...
FORGIVE. FORGIVE. FORGIVE.
That said, who has done you wrong? Hurt you? Broke your heart? Tormented you? Beaten you down in any way? You know who they are because you think about them, talk about them and you don't typically have nice thoughts or words about these people. But they are your Achilles heal and your sad 'woe is me' story that keeps repeating like a Seinfeld episode. They are the answer WHY you may not be where you want to be in life, in relationships, in your bank account. They are those who held you back, caused much resentment, caused the demise to the life you were destined for. Right? Isn't that how you feel when you look back with your slouching shoulders? Isn't that what you do all the time? Lament constantly and talk about the past today, spitting up your crap on anyone who will hear you, who might validate those wounds so they will go away? But they never do, do they? Aren't you sick of hearing yourself?
Want another approach? Here it is, right between the eyes: FORGIVE.
Here's a little exercise: Imagine all these 'baddies' who did you wrong. Put them in a room in your mind. How much is their combined weight? 300 pounds? 500 lbs? An elevator full to capacity?
Now, imagine all that weight on your back...and you're carrying it around all day! And you're sleeping with that weight. That weight goes with you everywhere: it's with you during the holidays, in the shower, at the kids' soccer game, it's in the middle of your relationships, at the grocery store. It's heavy, isn't it? Draining huh? Cumbersome, exhausting...
That's what it feels like to be unforgiving.
But again, it's not about forgiving those who may have done injustices to you. IT'S NOT ABOUT THEM. IT'S ABOUT YOU! It's about sitting your butt down, getting quiet, stop looking in the past and pointing fingers. Then, perhaps get down and dirty, snotty nose crying if you must, and letting it all go....including your feelings which are wrapped around these people. Forgive them and as you do you forgive yourself for holding on to this ball and chain.
Forgiveness is so you stop beating yourself up over the past...stop carrying around all that pain today... which is holding you back from being the best version of yourself tomorrow.
That said, forgiving others doesn't necessarily mean you should continue to have them in your life or maintain relationships with them. It merely allows you to move forward in your life...with or without them. And it doesn't mean you must 'forgive and forget'. You can forgive but you have the option to remember what caused your pain so you don't repeat it again or perhaps allow your 'pain lesson' to help serve others.
Now, after all I've written, are you still stuck? Do you still think you can't forgive? There are some simple steps you can use and lots more information online.
For me, it was a weekend of being alone and writing down anything I'd thought I'd done wrong...whether people told me and/or derived pleasure from reminding me, embarrassing and shameful memories I already knew which went back to childhood or just thoughts of those who had done me wrong. Basically, I wrote what I thought I'd done wrong and how others wronged me. It was a very long list! For the record, I was tired of playing the victim to all of these thoughts! After I released it on paper, I then prayed to God to take the pain, hurt and burden away, then I burned it surrendering it all to the heavens. Sounds corny, but for me, it worked. I no longer walk around with a huge weight on my back! My heart is full for those who get me and love me the way I deserved to be loved!
In closing, I hope and pray you forgive yourself. It might take work...perhaps longer than a weekend...but in the end, you will love yourself and others more for it!
Love and Blessings!
Celeste
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